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At Affordable Relationship Counseling in San Diego, CA, Dr. Barbara Cunningham offers a resiliency or strength-based approach to counseling, whether she is treating individuals, couples, and marital partners. She views challenges as a natural and an expected part of what it means to live a life. When we expect life to be nothing but rainbows, smooth seas, and laughter, we set ourselves up for bitter disappointment. Life is a fabric, a woven tapestry of good with bad, difficult with easy, happy with sad, sickness and health. Having realistic expectations going in to life transitions, such as marriage, parenting, and career changes, is part of the ability to function well. Some people become so paralyzed by change, transitions, and challenges that they never move forward–they are frozen in whatever place they were emotionally before the onset of the change, transition, or challenge. Others merely “get through it.” And then there are those who seem to thrive and prosper as they sail from navigating stormy sea after stormy sea. Who are these thrivers and how did they get that way? Differences in the way one thinks about life and the way one lives in one’s relationships can make one’s life look very different. How we think about things affects how things come out in many cases.

So what about those people who thrive as opposed to merely surviving through their life challenges? Wolin and Wolin (1993) discuss such resilient people in their book entitled THE RESILIENT SELF: HOW SURVIVORS OF TROUBLED FAMILIES RISE ABOUT ADVERSITY. How is it that some people have the capacity to rebound from hardship in a way that they bounce FORWARD (as opposed to merely bouncing back)? This is the book to read if you are interested in resilience and a useful synthesis of research and clinical experiences on the subject. The book will help the reader abandon the notion that they are not captains of their own ship. After completing this book, the reader will appreciate that they can shape their life rather than being shaped by childhood experiences beyond their control. The Wolins call their approach the “Challenge Model” as opposed to the “Damage Model,” as used by movements such as Adult Children of Alcoholics. People, for example, who overcome childhood trauma may view their experiences as giving them a badge of courage, a kind of Survivor’s Pride.  Strategies are discussed, case examples are provided, and insights are offered as a result of conceptualizing cases from this Challenge Model perspective.

No one escapes life without scars. Rather than incapacite us, painful feelings can sharpen our sense of joy and gratitude.  How one can rise from adversity and rise like a phoenix out of the ashes is at the core of this book. Read it and be inspired!

To learn more about Dr. Cunningham’s model of practice, visit http://www.Cunninghamtherapy.com or call 619 9906203 for a complimentary telephone consultation. Dr. Cunningham specializes in couples counseling and marriage counseling. She also is expert at counseling individuals looking to make sense of their part in relationship challenges.

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