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Archive for October, 2011


Often, it seems that couples procrastinate embarking upon a journey of marriage counseling. Each partner may be afraid that counseling means their marriage is on its last legs or that the counselor will choose a side.  Although there are many reasons to begin marriage counseling sooner rather than later, here are just five reasons to do so:

1. It is easier to heal wounds that have not had years to fester and scar. Thus, it is far better to come into the counselor’s office early in a crisis rather than when it is a last resort before calling it quits.

2. It is an act of courage to be willing to seek counseling and look within and between–two directions that are necessary for effective couples therapy to occur.

3. In the longrun, marriage counseling is cheaper than divorce.

4. To the extent that the husband and wife are calm and well connected, so is the rest of the family.

5. A couple need not be in crisis to seek marriage counseling. Insight based couples therapy can be empowering and enable people to more clearly see their own part in the relationship dance.

To learn more about Dr. Cunningham’s model of practice, call 619 9906203. Also, visit her website at http://www.Cunninghamtherapy and look around!

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Nine psychological tasks for a good marriage

Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological “tasks”:

  • Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
  • Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
  • Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
  • For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
  • Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.
  • Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
  • Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
  • Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
  • Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts and to Dr. Carolyn Jacobs, Director of Southern California Education and Training in Bowen Family Systems Theory and Psychotherapy.

To learn more about Dr. Cunningham‘s model of practice please visit her web site at http://www.Cunninghamtherapy.com or call 619 9906203 for a complimentary phone conultation. It is better to seek marriage counseling earlier in the course of marital problems. Do not delay-call today!

 

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