Archive for June, 2010

How is it that some people are able to make their marriages or relationships grow and flourish  year after year? Oftentimes, when people break up, they truly believe that they just chose the wrong partner. In many cases, this is simply not true! People who believe that the problem in their relationship is with the other person lose opportunities for self-reflection and personal growth. Even more, people with an anxious focus on changing the other may make the problem in the relationship remain. The very things that are feared may be created in the anxiety of trying to work on the problem through changing the other person.The following 8 tips may help you to keep your eye on yourself and thus increase your chances to optimize your chances of staying together:

1. Be present and accountable in having important conversations about emotional issues in your relationship in a timely fashion. Do not avoid talking about difficult topics or feelings will fester and get expressed in dysfunctional ways.

2. Keep your focus on yourself rather than on identifying what is wrong with your partner. Do not expect your partner to change in order to make your life more emotionally comfortable. Instead, see what changes YOU can make in how you interact to shift the negative dynamic.

3. Strive to be as genuine as possible in your communication.

4. Avoid blame and criticalness. Stick to making I statements and try to look at your part at all times.

5. Know your bottom line-what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship with your partner. Work at noticing when you are just giving in and avoid doing so, to prevent resentment from infecting the relationship.

6. Create some of your own traditions. Traditions are part of the glue in your relationship.

7. Do not try to manage your partner’s relationships with other family members.

8. Do not talk about your relational issues with other family members. Intimacy is between two people and triangling in others may relieve you in the short run. In the long run, it chips away at your special, intimate bond.

To learn more, visit me at http://www.Cunninghamtherapy.com or call me at 619 9906203 for a complimentary phone consultation.

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